For posterity, here is the recipe, or rather the list of ingredients – I can’t remember how I made it, but I imagine “bung it all in the big pot, stir and simmer for an hour or so” should cover it. It is possible I fried the solids for a while first - who knows.

• Shallots (some)
• Tomatoes (1 tin ?)
• Onion (one)
• Garlic (some)
• Red pepper (one?) roasted and peeled
• Bramley Apple (one or two)
• Beetroot (too many)
• Olive Oil (a glug or two)
• Balsamic vinegar (not enough)
• White wine vinegar
• Ginger wine (still failed to finish that old bottle)
• Port (ditto)
• White pepper
• Black pepper
• Green Pepper
• Salt
• Coriander
• Red chilli
• Sweet paprika
• Allspice
• Brazil peppercorns (eh? what are these? I wrote it down at the time though so it must be true – oh I know it was in a bizarre spice mix that I bunged in)
• Worcestershire sauce (and all that entrails)

The result is disconcertingly pink, and slightly too runny, but tastes good enough to eat half a jar at lunchtime with some cheddar and tongue. It doesn’t keep more than a few days once opened, probably because not enough vinegar and no sugar.